Writing Your Own Wedding Vows   

Creating your own wedding vows is romantic, but can be a challenge.

If you're considering creating your own vows - make sure that you discuss it
with the vicar or minister who will be presiding at your wedding in good time.
They will want to have time to read them through before the ceremony to
ensure that they are appropriate.  

Writing them in good time will also ensure that you don't add "write vows" to
the long list of last minute preparations in the weeks leading up to the
wedding day.

Sometimes it seems that there are simply no words to convey how much you love your fiancé-to-be. Perhaps traditional vows leave you wanting to say more; maybe they don’t quite express how you feel. It’s time to get out a pen and paper and start thinking about what you want to say to your partner – to bind you in marriage and let them know your promises of a happy future together. This could be one of the most romantic things you have done for your partner!   

Make the Ground Rules 

Sit down with your significant other to set some basic rules. Maybe you want to be surprised. Maybe you don’t. You may decide on a certain theme, or to write your vows together and help each other. Whatever it is, be sure you are both on the same page. You may wish to write certain elements together, and leave some “fill in the blanks” to each complete on your own. What if one of you wants to use traditional vows while the other one wants to write their own? Time to practice the word you hear so often in relation to marriage: compromise. You may be able to weave together elements of both, such as saying the traditional vows but adding a little bit on the end to make it truly yours.  

Set the Scene 

Leaving your vows to the last minute is a definite way to increase your stress levels as your special day draws near. Instead, set a date with yourself to write your vows.  Find a time when you can be alone, and consider creating a romantic atmosphere by lighting a few aromatic candles and playing some relaxing music. Arm yourself with resources such as poetry books, lyrics, a thesaurus, and maybe a photo of you and your honey together. Take a deep breath – you’re ready to get down to the business of writing your own vows! 

Write it Down 

What words come to mind when you think of marriage? What feelings rise up when you think about your future with your betrothed? Use a piece of paper to brainstorm words, emotions, and song lyrics – anything that conveys how you feel. What do you want to give your partner in your marriage? What does marriage mean to you? How did you meet, and when did you know this was the person for you? Don’t settle on talking about the past! What are you looking forward to? How do you feel right now? Intertwine your vows together to create a 3-4 minute promise of love.  Reflect your relationship. This could mean adding a touch of humor, including a special memory, a favorite quote, or a reference to a particular situation, such as children or a cultural union.

Using Traditional Wording

These words, for a very romantic wedding vow, are quite beautiful:-

I love you.  
You are my best friend.
Today I give myself to you in marriage.   
I promise to encourage and inspire you,
to laugh with you, and to comfort you in
times of sorrow and struggle.
I promise to love you in good times and in
bad, when life seems easy and when it
seems hard,  when our love is simple,
and when it is an effort.  
I promise to cherish you, and to always
hold you in highest regard.
These things I give to you today,
and all the days of our life.

Here's some words that you might like to use, or adapt when you write
your own:-

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside
in the only way I know how,
completely and forever.

Practice 

Saying your words aloud will allow you to make changes and pinpoint areas that need improvement. Ask a trusted friend to be your “audience” and give you some feedback. You may want to think about using parallel sentence structures; such as beginning each sentence with the same few words (such as, “I vow to…” or “I promise to always…”). These are your vows – so be creative!  You may even wish to make them rhyme. Make sure you are speaking from your heart and that others will be able to understand your thoughts. Practice your vows often, making changes as you wish, so on your wedding day you know exactly how you plan to express your vows.  Run your vows past your wedding officiator to make sure they are consistent with the requirements of your place of worship.  

A Public Vow 

Remember, when the time comes to make your vows on your wedding day, you are speaking to your loved one. Not the crowd and not minister, rabbi, or ship captain!  Hold hands and look into your partner’s eyes, and relax! Be sure to truly listen as your future spouse says their vows – after all, they have been working hard on them, too.  

When the day is over, and the cake is eaten, and all your friends and families have gone home, you will no longer be in the center of a wedding – you will be in a marriage!

Take your vows seriously, and consider framing them or keeping copies of them in your wedding album.

After all, these are sacred promises you are making to each other.  A promise of love is an important vow indeed.

Recommended Resources

You can find more non-traditional vows at   Wedding Yellow Pages - where there are over 200 wordings for every different type of denomination and ceremony.  Even just taking these vows and writing them in a way which personalises them for you can add real meaning to your special day.

If you need more help with your writing, the Wedding Vow toolkit can get
you started.