Bridesmaid Etiquette & Ideas

Planning a wedding day is a most exciting time.

As bridesmaid, you will play a key role in supporting the bride through the next few weeks and months until the wedding.

She has an overwhelming number of things to do: details to keep track of...
deadlines to keep... invitations to send... where do you even start?

Being a bridesmaid is a fantastic responsibility, and you might be given the opportunity to help organise and coordinate the wedding with the bride and groom.  

The maid of honor is another important role, and as chief bridesmaid, she will have a lot of responsibility on the actual wedding day, much like the best man. 

Another type of bridesmaid is the flower girl, who is usually a cute little niece or sister, who begins the ceremony by scattering petals along the aisle.  

Whichever type of bridesmaid you are, it is important to know exactly what the bride wants you to do in preparation for the event, and your duties on the day. What ever these things may be, it is vital that you carry them out to your utmost ability in order that the bride and groom have a superb day. 

The preparation for the wedding ceremony might start with choosing a wedding dress for the bride. Again, it is essential to know when this is happening and if the bride would like you there. Some brides see this as something to involve the entire female wedding party in, whereas others see it as a more private occasion for just themselves and the mother of the bride. Remember, this is not the place for you to voice your latest opinion on the trends of previous seasons or your particularly favorite designer…the bride will know what she wants, and classic styles are better for weddings. 

The next thing to concern yourself with is the choosing of the bridesmaid dresses. Again, the bride will have a pretty good idea of what sort of thing she wants, so have a discussion about how she pictures it. It is also important to know who will be paying for the dress, and whether it is being made by a dressmaker or bought in stock sizes.  

If the bride really doesn’t quite know what she wants the bridesmaids to wear, have some creative ideas ready for her. Talk about bridal hairstyles as well, as this will undoubtedly be vital to the look of the outfit. Make sure she knows you are interested, so you can be involved in the decision process enough that you won’t end up wearing something you are uncomfortable with.  

The bridesmaid and maid of honor also have the responsibility of organizing a bachelorette party, bridal shower or hen night. There are loads of different ways you could choose to do this, and make sure that you consult with the mother of the bride too, as she will want to be involved. Liase with the best men about their ideas for a bachelor party, so you know when to plan a party for. 

You could organize a great day out or weekend at the spa for the closest female members of the bridal party. Or, you could organize a big party after six the night before the wedding for all the female wedding guests to come for a disco. 

Make sure you are given an itinerary of the day, so you know details such as who travels to the reception in which wedding car and what time they are arriving. If you are in charge of the flower girls or page boys, make sure you know exactly what they have to do and where and how they have to walk down the aisles, so they can annoy you with their questions, not the bride. 

Also, if you have the responsibility of being the ring bearer, make sure that you have the ring with you! Try to avoid classic movie wedding mistakes... remember your speech, and don’t make it too long or too offensive.  

Keep a little book of wedding etiquette with you in the run up to the wedding, as it is important to include traditional ceremony elements into the occasion, in the right order and not forgetting any small details. For example, when and how to walk up the aisle is different in America and England. 

Although you don’t have the duty to think about this, thinking of unique bridesmaid gifts can be difficult for the bride, and so try to hint at her some great ideas that aren’t too expensive, but beautifully personalized. 

It is vital to start helping the bride out with preparations as soon as the date is set for the wedding, which might be a year away or only a couple of weeks. Work out which areas you can really contribute to, help with and organise, and try to take as much pressure off the bride as you possibly can. 

Overall, remember to enjoy the day, and be prepared for all eventualities.

Recommended Resources

Wedding Reception ideas - tips on helping to write and give toasts and speeches

Wedding Shower - one of your first roles may be to organise the pre-wedding bridal shower